Day 18

Upon further review...Stillmatic is a pretty good album. Good like decent...not good like Illmatic or God's Son. But I do think it is possibly on the same page with It Was Written. Because also upon further review....It Was Written has a lot of weak shit in the second half. And for that matter It Was Written doesn't have anything nearly as good as "One Mic".

Anyone with ideas of what I should do in DC/Philly for my bday weekend let me know.

The weather is beautiful. Tomorrow is going to be 89. Tomorrow is the Hawks game (sweep). It is also the "Lost" finale. Sheesh.

Day 16

Two weeks from today I will be thirty. Years old.

Here are a few things you should know about dreams.

The first thing is that dreams are CRAZY. I mentioned the wacky nap dream I had the other day. This dream was wacky because of its realism. Usually dreams differ a lot more from real life. But even in this incredibly realistic dream, there were obvious differences from "real" life. Like...we were working at the school in our district that is in Downers Grove. But there is no school in our district that is in Downers Grove. Just the kind of thing that happens in dreams. But what interests me is that within the context of that dream it NEVER occurs to you that this makes no sense or, in my case, that there is no school in Downers Grove. For some reason...within the dream's mind state you KNOW that there is a school in Downers Grove. When you have interactions with other people, including people you don't know, you KNOW them in the dream. You know things about them. You don't just experience actions in your dreams...it's not just a thoughtless telling of events. You have intimate knowledge of the alternate world of each and every dream. So....if I see someone I don't actually know in my dream, and I know all kinds of things about this person in my dream, wouldn't it stand to reason that my mind knows just all kinds of shit about this particular dream that never even come out in the dream? Maybe not...I don't know.

The other thing is this....I have yet to master the art of figuring out that I am in a dream. Well...I've figured out that I was dreaming, but as soon as I figure this out I wake up. What I want to be able to do is figure out that I am dreaming and then stay asleep. At this point, the whole alternate reality of my dream is at my disposal. I can do whatever I like, as long as it fits with the parameters of that dream world. Although, if I create the parameters I suppose anything is possible. And I guess that this is sort of where it falls apart...since my mind IS creating the parameters of this world, once I figure out that I am indeed dreaming it gets much less interesting. I think. It would, at this point, simply be imagining things, which is good too but I can do this when I'm awake and don't need for it to be a dream.

Now then...lots of good albums seem to be coming out. This Janelle Monae album is no joke.

I have to renew my license. I keep forgetting this.

Day 14

Today was a good day. Successful (last) IEP meeting. Found the end of the Riverwalk(!) LOST. Cubs Win! Hawks about to Win!

So not much time for blogging....but I am listening to Drive-by Truckers while I watch the game just in case you were wondering.

Day 13

Yeah...nothing got done on Day 12. Predictable....here's a summary. Gorgeous day. I went to my parents house and saw baby ducks on Boughton. Listened to Sublime for the first time in a long time. Dunkin' Donuts for breakfast. Cleaned house a little. Went to Tommy Nevin's for the Hawks game. Watched the game outside because it was so nice out. Hawks win. Drank a little too much. Played bags. The end. All in all....a pretty great Sunday.

On to Monday...the first thing I wanted to talk about was "House". Spoiler alert here. "House" was emotional and heart-wrenching and riveting tonight. It was everything a great hour of television should be. I will admit that I cried a little bit. And then came the last two minutes of the episode and just negated everything the previous 59 minutes had done (yes...the show was 61 minutes long.) Cuddy showing up and professing her love for House while he lay reeling and broken on the floor THE LAMEST, CHEESIEST, BULLSHIT ENDING I MAY HAVE EVER SEEN TO A SEASON OF A GOOD TELEVISION SHOW. And House's reaction....gawd. "Really? You think I can be fixed?" Oh. My. God. Why? The whole time I was all...pleasebeahallucinationpleasebeahallucination...not that that would have ideal but it least it wouldn't have been what was actually happening. And then House is all, "Wait a second....how do I know this isn't a hallucination?" Ok. But no...IT WASN'T!

Let me just say that I do enjoy happy endings and I'm actually quite fine with "House" going with this storyline for House and Cuddy. What I can't deal with is the way they did it. This was not an episode that deserved a happy ending. It dealt with real human emotion and the painful randomness of life and death and love. This ending was a slap in the face to all who were moved by the soul crushing humanity of the first 59 minutes because SHIT LIKE THAT DOES NOT HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE. Somebody doesn't just up and leave the comfort of a safe, committed relationship on a whim simply because she has had a stressful day and the brilliant but toxic fuck up she has been rebuffing for years opened up his heart for 60-seconds of moving dialogue. BAD WRITERS!

Still a good show...I just don't like seeing them do something like this.

Day 11

I seem to have missed Day 9. Pretty sure I wrote something....ahh, who cares.

Today was the Autism Walk. It was a nice time with friends. And the kids who came were great. They changed the walk route. Instead of walking three times around Soldier Field, it now extends all the way past Buckingham Fountain and loops back. There was an interesting Cheez-It incident that I somehow took the blame for. Then we went to Bucho's where the service was bad and the food was ok and the drink was good. Also good chips and salsa.

Then I took a nap. And let me tell you....this was a NAP. I woke up after one hour and my body said....not yet. I woke up after another hour and I was not even groggy. And I had the CRAZIEST dream. It wasn't crazy like crazy shit happened in the dream...it was crazy like realistic. Everyone in this dream behaved exactly like they were supposed to behave. As such, it was incredibly realistic. I was actually surprised to find out that it was a dream.

I think dreams are CRAZY. But I'm going to bed now so I will talk about why dreams are CRAZY tomorrow.

Day 10

I know who is going to be in my class next year! Maybe!

So tomorrow is the autism walk. Unless I get some last minute donations I will probably have to drop some money on myself. That's cool...and as it turns out they found a way to make me walk the whole three miles this year. More on the autism walk tomorrow.

Day 8

I feel like the good vibes are coming back.

Last night was great and this morning wasn't all that bad. There are only 11 days of school left. Year 2 is going to be GREAT. Looking up...

I like it when celebrities die and people think they are still alive. This seems like one of the most convenient ways to live forever. You know...like Elvis and JFK...people still think they are alive even though they'd be super old. Or Tupac and Biggie are kicking it on an island somewhere with all the money they've made on posthumous record sales. These things aren't true of course...but there are always just enough suspicious circumstances to offer hope.

I think that nobody has done this better than Andy Kaufman. Regardless of whether Kaufman faked his own death or not, he did live a life that made it possible for him to offer sufficient doubt at his death. Faking death would just be SOOOOO Andy Kaufman. Here's a guy who never even gave a shit if you or anyone else thought a joke was funny...if HE thought it was funny it was funny. So had he faked his own death, as part of an elaborate joke, it would not even matter to him if anyone ever knew about it. It would still be funny to him. I think Andy Kaufman is still alive, even if he is dead, cause he just played that game so well.

I'm not really like Andy Kaufman. I like to think I am. True, I do crack myself up a lot and I can certainly laugh at myself and others without anyone joining in. But in the end I truly crave a reaction. If I am in a zone I want you to be laughing...whether it is with me or at me does not matter. I love being laughed at and do not find it insulting at all. If I found a way to make you smile and enjoy yourself and improve the vibes in the room I have won and you have too. And I want you to make me laugh too. So make me laugh.

goodnight

Day 7

Just got home from the rooftop. It was great fun. The Cubs lost but that's ok. They can't hit their way outta paper bag. And the Hawks won. And the night was fun.

I'm not going to talk about much more tonight cause I'm tired. I promise to hit you with something real tomorrow. But I'm happy tonight. Just thought you should know. I was on a rooftop for a Cubs game...something I've never done before. I had a few drinks. I had a fun train ride. I had a few laughs. And I have to work in a few hours. Good night all around. Go Cubs and Hawks.

Day 6

OK kids...here we go.

I need to do some things during these thirty days that I've never done before. Any ideas? Tomorrow I will be watching a Cubs game from a rooftop...never done that before. So that's something. If you can think of something (practical) I should try out before June 3 leave it in the underutilized comment section.

Today was a generally crappy day at work. I usually don't say that because there is usually good to be gleaned on any day. But today totally sucked. It was just bad vibes. The kids were getting under my skin, which they usually don't. That made me impatient. And everyone seemed to be irritated with each other today. Like...more than usual. Definitely was something fucked up in the equilibrium today. Maybe tomorrow....

Apparently Joanna Newsom doesn't like Lady Gaga. Which just confirms my opinion that Joanna Newsom sucks. All her songs are like one song and they are like this....HARPHARPHARP I pick daisies and they remind me of a dirigible in the time of dragons harpsolo.bla.bla.bla. PITCHFORKBESTNEWMUSIC. I can do that whole impersonation much better in a format that is not written...I'm feeling caged in here. But the point is...Joanna Newsom, your opinion does not matter because you are irrelevant. Joanna...you have a hot ass and a boring music. Good night to you and your harp and whoever the pretentious musicians you hang out with are. Probably Grizzly Bear...but at least they don't suck.

Naw...I love you Joanna.

You too Gaga.

Hopefully "Lost" won't be quite as depressing tomorrow night...ah, who am I kidding?

That Dennis Rodman / Phil Jackson stuff is still coming. As is all the religious stuff. Just gotta psyche myself up for it.

CUBS GAME TOMORROW...EXPECT A SHORT, FIERY, AMAZING BLOG AT ABOUT 1 AM!

Day 5

You'd think that on such a boring day I would be able to come up with something to write about. But no. I have nothing.

I went to Egg Harbor at Oakbrook with my mom and dad today for Mother's Day. Then I came home and watched the stupid Cubs game. Then I went to Jewel and bought some groceries...then I came home and watched some of the crap on my DVR. Now just getting ready to watch the Hawks game. And that is absolutely all.

PART TWO

So I went to Tailgaters for the Hawks game tonight. I don't really like it there...especially cause the Hawks lose when I go there. And they lost tonight. Cool that they have the goal horn and all that nonsense though.

But there is this new sandwich at KFC that I keep seeing commercials for. And it is ridiculous. It has two pieces of bacon and two pieces of cheese. AND THE BREAD IS FUCKING TWO PIECES OF CHICKEN!!!! I love how KFC just doesn't give a shit anymore. It's like they just decided...yeah, Subway you keep your Jared, Taco Bell you pretend like your Fresco Menu makes Taco Bell healthy. We are just going to embrace who we are...we are going to kill you. This is the same chain who did that thing where they took all the shit in the restaurant and threw it in one bowl and sold that shit. Now they are taking it to a whole new level. KFC is like your neighborhood crack dealer...going for a product so tempting that you don't give a fuck that you will die soon. And I kinda respect them for this...at least they are not beating around the bush here. They could be like Taco Bell and be like, "Hey...you know how we have bean burritos? Well we just added some tomatoes to that shit and called it Fresco Bean Burritos and now it is good for you!" No...KFC isn't pretending anything. They are just killing you.

Finally...3 chirs for Betty White and Jay-Z who effing KILLED SNL last night. I don't know who decided that Jay-Z should get 10 minutes + on his first slot but he was FIRE. And Betty White's opening monologue was comedic gold. Well played by all involved.

Until tomorrow...

Day 4

Today I saw a raccoon. I hate raccoons. This raccoon was just wandering around my parking lot. This is not out of the ordinary except that it is was 6:30...a full hour and a half before dark. Raccoons aren't supposed to be out yet. They aren't supposed to be out at all because they are terrorists. But they definitely shouldn't be out in the daytime. Everything is all flippy dippy when that shit starts going on. So what I did as I come up on dude and sit on my horn for about ten seconds and he takes off all fast and runs into the sewer where he belongs. (Is that where raccoons live? I kinda assumed the forest, but I can see sewer.) If he comes back I'll be waiting with a shovel. Now THAT is what I call Furry Vengeance.

Day 3

I've been listening to Eminem tonight. I started listening to Eminem tonight because I was listening to that B.o.B. album tonight and I was enjoying Em's verse on "Airplanes". He's better than B.o.B. on that song. This isn't surprising since Eminem is pretty much the best rapper on every song he has ever appeared on. The most notable example is when he outshined Jay-Z on "Renegade". Yeah, Nas had fun with this, but it's no slight against Jay that he got beat by the guy who just may have the best flow of all time. And he's still got it...just listen to that verse on "Forever". And yet I've never been a huge Eminem fan.

I've always been sort of ashamed of the fact that I'm not that big an Em fan. It's impossible to hate on his talent...even if you don't like the guy you have to give him credit. If you can't acknowledge him as one of the greatest of all time you just don't truly respect rhyming as an art form. His flow is fucking batshit. He is truly ridiculous. But I've always been a little turned off by his lyrics.

But here's the thing. I listen to a LOT of rappers of disturbing lyrics. I'm not talking about Biggie or Jay-Z rapping about guns. I'm talking about really shady stuff. Like Ice Cube's Death Certificate, which in addition to songs about burning down Korean liquor stores features a quaint track called "Nappy Dugout" wherein Cube explains in great detail to a father all the things he plans to do to his underage daughter. This I don't condone (I can go either way on burning down Korean liquor stores) yet I defend Death Certificate's place among rap's great masterpieces. Then there's Scarface and the Geto Boys...any hip hop head respects them as legends. But just go listen to "Assassins"...seriously, if you never have just go listen to "Assassins". This is disturbing shit. Why do I respect Scarface and Ice Cube more than Eminem?

Sadly, I keep coming back to the same answer and it's not all that flattering. I can't avoid the thought that it has to do with race. It's easy to defend Scarface and Ice Cube lyrics. You just have to talk a little bit about race in America and the way the ghetto was created and the cycle of violence and poverty and bla bla bla liberal bla. Easy to do if you have even a basic understanding of these things. So if Eminem were a black man he would be easy to defend on the same grounds. But since he is white we hold him up to a different standard. Which is totally fucking racist. Basically we are saying (notice I've gone to the collective here because I'm embarrassed), "Eminem should know better than to say such horrible and shocking things...he is white."

Thing is though...Eminem grew up with just as miserable a childhood as most black rappers. True, he was not discriminated against by mainstream society for his skin color. But he was poor, abused, and discriminated against as trailer trash. Does that make his lyrics acceptable? Not necessarily...but it makes them at least as acceptable as Ice Cube's, who in all honesty didn't grow up in all that different of a social situation.

I'm happy that I've sort of gotten past my distaste for Eminem. It's still difficult music to listen to but I can push through it and respect him for everything he has going. I mean, he's just so good. And there are so many levels to his lyrics that you don't hear if you just turn him off. He'll still never be on the same page as Jay and BIG for me, but I gotta give some respect where it's due.

At some point I'm going to write something about why everyone who truly respects rap music should also listen to country music. I'm also going to defend Kid Rock. Watch for that shit. Gonna be real...

Just for fun...in that comment section....if someone can name a song that Eminem raps on where he is not the best rapper on the track post it there.

Day 2

One of my least favorite things to be is Drunk. Notice the capital "D". I'm not talking about being drunk with a lower case "d", which is actually fairly pleasant. I'm talking about the kind of Drunk where hours are erased from your mind. The Drunk where you don't have to worry about road safety or DUI's because you are physically incapable of getting behind the wheel. The Drunk where you spend the next day scrambling to make sure all your valuables are accounted for, your text messages didn't cross any lines, and you didn't do anything TOO embarrassing or offensive. I hate this Drunk and my attempts to avoid it are usually very successful. Still, it happens about once a year.

The reason I hate being Drunk isn't because of the aforementioned reasons. Those factors are an inconvenience, but only a minor one, probably because it usually turns out nothing too terrible happened...the worst thing I can come up with was getting kicked out of a concert when I was in college and even that wasn't really all that big a deal. (Plus, I still maintain that this was undeserved.) The real reason I hate being Drunk is the loss of control over my surroundings and the vulnerability it opens me up to. My words and actions are generally very calculated. You may not think so but they are. I am in control. When I am drunk I am NOT in control and though it would appear that I still do a semi-decent job at handling myself, I certainly lose that all-important awareness of surroundings and situations. Without this awareness I am more likely to tip my hand and let you into my head, which leads me to another of Mr. Mike's cardinal rules: YOU ONLY SEE THE SIDE OF ME I CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSE TO LET YOU SEE. If I have not revealed to you what is going on in my head it is because I don't want you to know. This is not necessarily a positive personality trait but it is the way I play and I think I play life better than almost anyone (except for maybe Dennis Rodman, who I will be discussing at length in the near future.) I hate Drunk because it puts a chip in my poker face and reveals more of me than I care to reveal. Or maybe it doesn't. The problem is I don't know because I don't remember and I hate not knowing and not remembering and not being in control of my surroundings.

And now for a funny story from last night at Bar Louie.

Shortly after arriving at Bar Louie for the Blackhawks game last night I went to ask the bartender if he would kindly turn the sound on for the game. "Can't...we have a DJ coming in at 9." Oh...well that's kind of stupid you have a DJ coming in when the Hawks have a playoff game tonight...well maybe you could at least turn the sound on till 9. "Nope. They won't let me do that because everyone is here to watch the Hawks game and they will be pissed when we turn the sound off at 9 for the DJ." Hmmm...doesn't that tell you something about the desires of your customers? "Yes...I don't make the rules."

So that was stupid. But then shit started going to Jupiter to get more stupider. The DJ showed up and was playing run-of-the-mill Top 40 fare....not terrible but terribly typical and certainly nothing worth having the sound off on a key playoff game. So I decide I may as well make the best of it...I write on the back of a receipt two words:

BIGGIE
JUICY

...just like that. And I go give it to the DJ with a dollar. And the DJ says..."They won't let me play rap." What the fuck...why? "They just don't want that element in here." What element? Black people? "NONONONONONONONONONO NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL! Like thugs and stuff." But you were just playing that Jay Sean song...that's rap. "No. That's hip hop. There's a difference between hip hop and rap." (Now it's getting interesting because this guy has decided to go to war with me over one of a small handful of things I know more about than anyone else in the bar.) So...explain the difference to me. "Well, rap is all about guns and drugs and hoes and hip hop is about dancing and having a good time." Whoa....this guy seriously just said that. Stunned. But even if your criteria were correct..."Juicy", an autobiographical celebration of rags-to-riches, would clearly fall in the "hip hop" category. "You know what? Fuck it man...I'm gonna play this for you! Just let me make sure I have it." Fifteen minutes later he played "California Love", a song that is, ironically, all about guns and drugs and hoes.

So let me clear up some confusion here: HIP HOP IS A CULTURE. RAP IS THE DOMINANT MUSICAL FORM OF THE CULTURE. THEY ARE NOT TWO COMPETING GENRES. And another thing...GANGSTA RAP IS DEAD. IT DIED WITH PAC AND BIG. WHAT YOU CALL GANGSTA RAP TODAY IS NOT GANGSTA RAP.

That's science....

Finally, kudos to Erica for providing me with the day's biggest laugh:

"my friend's facebook status is 'fucking cubs' . either he's into sex w/animals or the cubs did something bad today?"

Day 1

Lalalalalala....

I will be blogging for the next thirty days and when I am finished I will be thirty. What better way to celebrate thirty years of life than thirty days of LIVING and dropping accumulated knowledge on all you youngsters (and perhaps the elderly.)

I believe that the cardinal rule of blogging is NOBODY IS INTERESTED IN A RUNNING LOG OF THE MUNDANE DETAILS OF WHAT YOU DID TODAY. This goes doubly for Facebook and Twitter. Everyone should think long and hard before posting Facebook statuses (statii?) like this: "Went to Wal-Mart....GREAT deals on grapefruit juice...now driving home to watch "Grey's Anatomy"...hope I don't get pulled over for texting...LOL!" 98 percent of the time nobody cares about these details of your day. This isn't a story...it's just what happened. That said...I plan on sharing exactly these types of mundane details over the next month. Why? Because there is an exception to the cardinal rule: YOU MAY SHARE MUNDANE DETAILS IF THEY ARE EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. I believe that the mundane details of my life are invaluable to future civilizations. It would be pointless for me to try to explain why and how, you just have to take my word on this. I hope that it becomes clear as my blogging continues.

Which leads to the question on everyone's mind: What did Mr. Mike do today?

"Just waking up in the morning gotta thank God
I don't know but today seems kinda odd
No barking from the dogs, no smog
And Momma cooked a breakfast with no hog."

(The above is a quotation. I will be using lots of these. This is not because I am not creative. I am. Quoting people is an art form best expressed through the following quotation: "That was called recycling / or re-reciting / something cause you like it so you say it just like it / some say it's biting / but I say it's enlightening." If this were actually MY quotation it would be somewhat different. Most notably, I do not live with my mom but no doubt if she did cook breakfast today, hog was not included. This is still certainly cause for celebration, but not terribly out of the usual.)

Back to the matter at hand...I felt really good waking up this morning. Probably will feel slightly worse waking up tomorrow. Between Day 1, Cinco de Mayo, and the Hawks game, today is a PERFECT STORM. I've had lots of these lately. But this has been a good one. And it was even PD WEDNESDAY at work. You probably don't know what this is. And you still don't. But I did have a HUGE lunch of tacos and such, a good time with the kids, beautiful weather, and now I'm kicking it at home on my deck with a margarita and the new New Pornographers album. And this blog of course. This is life. And in just a few minutes I will be heading out for the Blackhawks game. A little nervous about that....

So there....those are the mundane details of my day. Over time the importance of these will become evident. For the moment...just read and smile and imagine how happy I must be.

But mundane details are not the only thing I will be writing about...oh no indeed! Mostly I will just be rambling at great length about whatever is on my mind over the course of the day. LOOK OUT! That's all kindsa ridiculous shit! Unfortunately, today there is nothing on my mind but good vibes and sunshine and strawberry margaritas and hockey. So you dodged a bullet today...catch ya tomorrow.

30 DAYS BEGIN CINCO DE MAYO

Check back soon.